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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513809">pansy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberryys/pseuds/strwberryys'>strwberryys</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>study group [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stray Kids (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Fluff and Angst, Group chat, Humor, Jeongin is a lucky boy, Kim Seungmin is Whipped, M/M, Seungmin is so soft, They are both soft, mentions of rape/non-con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 19:34:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,433</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28513809</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strwberryys/pseuds/strwberryys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A rule of their's is to not keep secrets, yet Jeongin has been keeping one since they've met.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Seungmin/Yang Jeongin | I.N</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>study group [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1517546</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>pansy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>psst!! at the end of this fic, play taemin’s ‘pansy’. it hits different :’)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Good?"</p><p> </p><p>The shaky hum is enough to answer Seungmin's question. He smiles, caressing Jeongin's trembling thigh.</p><p> </p><p>"Just relax. I've got you."</p><p> </p><p>Moving steadily, he connects their lips once more. Seungmin has kept up this habit of going slow, his focus on pleasuring his boyfriend and maintaining a pace he's most comfortable with. Seungmin does not know how Jeongin likes it, is not even sure if Jeongin's ever done something like this. He'd hate to assume, but by the way the scene is unfolding, he's convinced that this is Jeongin's first time. He's shy, but not too shy to express how he's feeling through his body and voice.</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin's name is barely rolled off of Jeongin's tongue, releasing a breathy moan afterwards. Seungmin shifts so his hips are planted against the other's, creating a beautiful rhythm as he begins to grind on him. The friction so overwhelming, Jeongin mewls eagerly, slightly lifting his hips to somehow receive more. He can't get enough of this feeling.</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin leans in for a passionate kiss, dipping his tongue into his mouth a couple times before completely parting.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going to take your shirt off, m'kay?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin feels so lucky, tries to remind himself that he's safe, and that Seungmin's going to keep him safe. He watches his focused expression, and his body is overwhelmed with additional pleasure as he thinks about how patient he's being. It's so attractive.</p><p> </p><p>"Minnie," he says after his shirt is pulled over his head, "I want it. Please."</p><p> </p><p>And Seungmin is pleased to give it to him. At least, he attempts to. The second they're completely naked, hot and sweaty and Seungmin's finished prepping him, he aligns himself, the head of his cock pressing against Jeongin's puckered hole. He notices how tense Jeongin suddenly became, his eyes squeezed shut as the anticipation rises. Seungmin furrows a brow.</p><p> </p><p>"Baby, are you sure you want this? We don't have to rush."</p><p> </p><p>"I— Yeah, I-I'm fine. Just keep going."</p><p> </p><p>"Jeongin, breathe."</p><p> </p><p>"I am." Jeongin opens his eyes, giving his boyfriend a weary smile. "I'm okay, I promise."</p><p> </p><p>"Sure?"</p><p> </p><p>He nods eagerly, "Just nervous."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin nods, and mentally confirms with himself that Jeongin is most definitely a virgin. He steadily spreads his legs wider, giving his thighs a squeeze before slowly, slowly inching his way in. Jeongin has always been aware of how.. <em>big</em> Seungmin is, but no matter, he could have never imagined the sensation. He almost feels like he's being torn into, and it hurts like hell. Jeongin grits his teeth as he hisses, nails digging into the mattress.</p><p> </p><p>"Ah.. <em>A</em><em>-Ah</em>, hurts—"</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin huffs and gladly ceases for a moment. Jeongin is incredibly tight.</p><p> </p><p>"That's okay." he smiles, giving his thigh soothing rubs. "Breathe, that's important."</p><p> </p><p>"I <em>am</em>.. I'm trying, sorry." Jeongin feels so embarrassed. He's humiliating himself right in front of his boyfriend, the guy he solely wants to feel good. He wants to satisfy him, wants him to experience the pleasure he deserves. He figured that was just as important as communication.</p><p> </p><p>When he feels himself relax, he urges him on.</p><p> </p><p>"Keep going. You're doing good."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin nods and places his hands in Jeongin's, proceeding forward once more.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Ngh</em>, you feel so good already," Seungmin moans, and Jeongin feels chills from how different Seungmin is sounding. His heart pounds, a sudden feeling of discomfort stirring in the pit of his stomach. He feels a little trapped beneath the older, pinned and completely at his mercy. And <em>good god</em>, he might scream if that dick doesn't stop moving in him. He feels so full, hasn't felt this full since...</p><p> </p><p><em>Since</em>...</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin trembles and lets out a suppressed cry.</p><p> </p><p>"S-S-Seungmin, take it out! Please, <em>take it out</em>—" he cries, little desperate weeps escaping his throat. Seungmin almost panics, no hesitation as he carefully but rapidly removes his cock, the head already slick with precum and lube.</p><p> </p><p>"Innie?! Innie, are you okay?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin is stiff for a moment, tears spilling down the sides of his face. He sits up and inches back until he's against the headboard, knees against his chest. Momentarily, Seungmin remains quiet, allowing Jeongin to calm down. He swallows.</p><p> </p><p>"Jeongin. What.. What happened? Did I hurt you?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin sniffles, shaking his head. When he gains the courage, he looks up at his boyfriend, attempting to blink back tears.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm so sorry. This was a bad idea, huh?"</p><p> </p><p>"No, please," Jeongin shakes his head again, "I lead it on. Wanted you to f-feel good.."</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Seungmin inches closer to hold his hands.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm trying to be a good boyfriend, I really am—"</p><p> </p><p>"Shush, Jeongin, you <em>are</em> a good boyfriend. Don't force yourself in uncomfortable situations just to make me happy. That wouldn't make either of us happy, you know that right?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin doesn't respond, but definitely agrees with him.</p><p> </p><p>"Talk to me. Why are you crying?"</p><p> </p><p>The younger buries his face between his knees. Had he overreacted?</p><p> </p><p>He hears Seungmin sigh.</p><p> </p><p>"Look, I don't care if you're a virgin. That doesn't matter—"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not a virgin."</p><p> </p><p>The stunned look on Seungmin's face would have made Jeongin laugh, if he weren't feeling triggered.</p><p> </p><p>"You.. You're not?"</p><p> </p><p>It's hard to speak. Jeongin's eyes are wide with horror as he stares into space.</p><p> </p><p>"It's alright. Don't keep it bottled up, just talk to me. I'm here."</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin rests his chin between his knees, thinking hard. How could he talk to Seungmin — to <em>anyone</em> — about an experience that caused him nothing but utter trauma?</p><p> </p><p>"Would it be better if I wasn't staring at you?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin nods and watches his boyfriend shift to settle beside him. He pulls the thick covers over their naked bodies and lies down, Jeongin lying down as well. They're quiet for a while, just taking in the silence as they stare up at the ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>"Take your time, okay?" Seungmin reminds him. Jeongin nods, sighing through his nose as he contemplates. He trusts Seungmin, he really does — otherwise, he wouldn't have allowed him to take it as far as they'd gotten. He never thought a day would come where he'd have to speak out about his brutal past. He focuses hard on the ceiling, eyes narrowed slightly.</p><p> </p><p>"Before we started dating," he starts, and hears Seungmin hum, "last year I was invited to a party. Remember Choi Minho?"</p><p> </p><p>"Ah, he graduated right?"</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, him. He threw this big party to celebrate his upcoming graduation."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>The</em> Choi Minho invited you?"</p><p> </p><p>"Not him, no. It was a friend of mine who was invited and invited me. I'm not a party person, but said yes anyway. I had nothing better to do at the time." he explains. "Anyway, everything was going fine. For once, I didn't feel so afraid of being around so many people. I didn't get drunk, but I was feeling a little.. what's the word?"</p><p> </p><p>"Tipsy?"</p><p> </p><p>"Tipsy, yeah. And then I noticed, this guy had his eyes on me. He kept watching me. So eventually he approached me, we spoke and exchanged names, then started talking. We kept up good conversation, and he was really nice, but.. he just kept watching me."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin furrows a brow. "Watching as in.. checking you out?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin nods. "It made me so uncomfortable."</p><p> </p><p>Both brows are furrowed now as Seungmin shifts to face his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>"Did he.." he quickly turns around, reminding himself of Jeongin's discomfort, "What did he do?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin becomes teary eyed, especially at Seungmin's worried tone. At this point Seungmin's got an idea of what might have went down that night, and it hurts to think about. Hurts to imagine how pained and frightened he must have felt.</p><p> </p><p>"He was bad, Minnie," Jeongin sniffles, "He took me to a room and.. started touching me."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin sucks in an angry breath, but allows Jeongin to continue.</p><p> </p><p>"I kept telling him to stop. I told him I wasn't interested, but he just.." Teeth gritted, Jeongin finally bursts into tears, trembling just as he was when Seungmin was on top of him. "<em>Please</em>, can I please stop? I can't..”</p><p> </p><p>"Come here baby," Seungmin shifts and embraces the smaller, letting him cry into his bare shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry."</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin shakes, cries muffled.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ever since Jeongin's confession, Seungmin has been a lot more cautious than he already was. Jeongin hadn't thought it to be possible. He kind of misses those flirtatious touches and teases. Seungmin still teases him sometimes — of course he does — but, it wasn't as sexual as it used to be. Instead of groping his ass, he settled for holding his waist. Instead of smacking or squeezing his thighs, he'd tickle him. Instead of wrestling, he cuddles him and beats his face with kisses. And that makes Jeongin feel a little sad, because he loved wrestling with him, even though Seungmin always won.</p><p> </p><p>It's a Saturday, meaning Jeongin nor Seungmin had any classes, meaning that they could spend the entire day together. And that, they did. Seungmin paid for almost everything, but they spent most of their time walking outside of the mall. They shared a few childhood stories and talked about whatever nonsense came to mind. Those were the best conversations, in Jeongin's opinion.</p><p> </p><p>A solid week went by since he opened up about the party, but he still hasn't told Seungmin the entire story. He can't. Seungmin doesn't mind, though. He's heard plenty.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a quarter past ten when the couple are cuddled up in Seungmin’s bed, a movie playing on the bright screen in front of them.</p><p> </p><p>After a minute of contemplating, Jeongin shifts to face his boyfriend, reaching to stroke the back of his head.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Seungmin smiles, arms still around his waist. Jeongin pecks him on the lips, once, twice, and then pulls away, smiling back at him.</p><p> </p><p>"I love you." he says. Seungmin leans in to press another kiss against his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>"I love <em>you</em>."</p><p> </p><p>"I feel like I haven't thanked you enough." he explains, "You've done so much for me."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin chuckles. "You're always welcome."</p><p> </p><p>They fall silent suddenly, just staring into each other's orbs as the movie plays in the background.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin isn't afraid of sex — no, how could anyone be? He's only afraid of the pain and the memory. He knows it'll subside eventually, but still. Plus Seungmin is kind of big. It's hot but it's also scary.</p><p> </p><p>"What're you thinking about?" Seungmin's voice startled him out of his thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>He really does want to pleasure him. Especially because of how gentle and caring and <em>patient</em> he's been. Maybe a make out session wouldn't hurt? They've done that a lot, but perhaps Jeongin could take control this time?</p><p> </p><p>After pondering for a moment, the younger rolls them over so he's on top of him, thighs straddling his waist. Seungmin looks surprised, mouth forming a cute little 'o'.</p><p> </p><p>"What- What’s happening?"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Shh</em>." Jeongin's mouth is inches from Seungmin's ear. "I just wanna kiss you."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin can only nod, eyes fluttering shut when his boyfriend moved to connect their lips.</p><p> </p><p>For some reason Jeongin feels nervous. He's never been the one in control before. It felt new, but it also didn't? He starts with just planting little kisses on his lips, then begins to silently ask for entrance, tracing the other's lips with his tongue. Seungmin gladly accepts, and releases a faint noise as their tongues wrestle for dominance.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin tilts his head a fraction to switch up the angle a little. Unintentionally, he grinds his hips down, steadily, ripping another shaky sound out of the other.</p><p> </p><p>A wave of heat hits Jeongin's skin and suddenly he's feeling hot. Maybe it's only the thought of Seungmin's cautiousness, maybe it’s the heat of the moment - Either way, Jeongin can tell for a fact that he's getting a bit turned on by this.</p><p> </p><p>Experimentally, he grinds down again, then again, until he feels those large hands on his shoulders, steadily pushing him off. Jeongin stares down at his boyfriend, brows pulled in a furrow.</p><p> </p><p>"You.. You don't know what you're doing." Seungmin pants. Jeongin, attempting to catch his breath as well, is not sure how to respond. "If you keep doing that, I might get turned on."</p><p> </p><p>Oh. Right. He's still being cautious. His cheeks turn red as he quickly sputters out an apology.</p><p> </p><p>"I.. I guess I wasn't thinking."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin smiles and decides to hold him for the rest of the night, throwing his arms around his waist. He breathes in the vanilla scented shampoo Jeongin often uses, planting kisses to his head occasionally. Once Jeongin falls into slumber, Seungmin shuts the movie off to sleep as well.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p> </p><p>gANg GAng gAnG 🤪🤘🏼 (8)</p><p> </p><p>[9:24 AM] sungie 🤪: <em>GUYS</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:24 AM] sungie 🤪: <em>I CANT BREATHE</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:26 AM] felix 🖤: <em>WHAT</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:26 AM] chan the man: <em>what</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:26 AM] sungie 🤪: <em>MINHO AND I GOT APPROVED</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:26 AM] sungie 🤪: <em>TO BUY AN APARTMENT</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:27 AM] felix 🖤: <em>OMG</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:27 AM] felix 🖤: <em>IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU</em></p><p> </p><p>[9:27 AM] felix 🖤: <em>CONGRATS</em> 🎉🎊</p><p> </p><p>[9:27 AM] chan the man: <em>wow congrats guys!</em></p><p> </p><p>Jeongin groans, rolling over to glare at the messages spamming his phone. He'd woken up earlier, around eight o' clock, but couldn't help but fall into another deep slumber. Curled up in Seungmin's arms <em>and</em> in his bed, how could he not?</p><p> </p><p>His phone continues to go off, message after message. For God's sake, it's only nine in the morning. Couldn't the conversation wait? Before the loud sounds could disturb his peacefully snoozing boyfriend, Jeongin switches his phone to silent mode. He then rolls back onto his side, making himself comfortable in Seungmin's arms once more.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"Innie."</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin startles from sleep to turn his attention toward Seungmin, whom is practically hovering over his little body. He blinks up at him a couple of times.</p><p> </p><p>"What?"</p><p> </p><p>A smile breaks his solemn expression.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing. Just wanted you to wake up." he grins. Jeongin huffs.</p><p> </p><p>"Wow. I appreciate it, Minnie." he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin laughs and shifts to leave the bed, closing the bathroom door behind him. Jeongin watches with confusion, wearily eyeing Seungmin's phone when it lights up. 11:39, it reads. It's definitely time for him to get up. He's got no particular reason, of course; He'd just hate to mess up his sleep schedule.</p><p> </p><p>The door suddenly opens, the older peering at Jeongin.</p><p> </p><p>"Have you seen my blow dryer?"</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly everything clicks into place and Jeongin groans loudly, falling back onto the fort of pillows.</p><p> </p><p>It's a Sunday. Seungmin has a class on Sundays.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Seungmin narrows his eyes. "Don't tell me you took it again. It's at your dorm, isn't it?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin pouts. "No. I didn't take it."</p><p> </p><p>"Well I can't find it. And why're you pouting?" Seungmin approaches the younger just to give his side a poke. Jeongin instantly flinches away from the ticklish sensation.</p><p> </p><p>"Because," he whines, "you have a class today."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin snickers. "So? It's only one class."</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah but it's like three hours long, isn't it? Plus I thought we were all going bowling today."</p><p> </p><p>"Two." he corrects, "And we aren't going until tonight."</p><p> </p><p>"Still."</p><p> </p><p>"My class doesn't even start til' one, relax. We'll have plenty of alone time today, if that's what you're whining about."</p><p> </p><p>Crazy. It's like Seungmin can read his mind. Momentarily, Jeongin falls quiet, face flushed.</p><p> </p><p>"G-Good. I still want my cuddles."</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, the bed dips under their weight as Seungmin crawls into his lap, old springs creaking when he deliberately falls on top of him, straddling him.</p><p> </p><p>"You'll get plenty of cuddles, baby."</p><p> </p><p><em>Dear God</em>, there it is again. Seungmin's only wearing underwear at the moment, so that definitely isn't helping. He just doesn't understand how someone's.. <em>part</em> could be that big. For what reason? How the hell did Seungmin even manage to fit inside of him the other day? Had he even been all the way in?</p><p> </p><p>"Innie?" Seungmin utters, muffled as his face is buried between Jeongin's neck and shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>"Hm?" Jeongin hums.</p><p> </p><p>"Your heart's beating really fast."</p><p> </p><p>Oh. Jeongin rolls his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, so what?"</p><p> </p><p>"You're thinking about something. What's wrong?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin gnaws at his lower lip. If only he could confirm with himself what he really, really wants. He doesn't know when and how he'll finally reach an understanding with himself. He's confused and afraid, yet also, at certain times (usually the wrong times) he gets a certain sensation, a tingling feel in his limbs and his stomach when Seungmin is simply near him. He could be doing the bare minimum and Jeongin suddenly feels a shift in his mood. Maybe, if he continues to remind himself that the past is long over with, just <em>maybe</em>, they could try again.</p><p> </p><p>"Nothing. Nothing, I was just.. I dunno." he mentally slaps himself as Seungmin giggles.</p><p> </p><p>"Mhm. Right." Seungmin finally shifts to leave the bed again, inspecting the drawers to his nightstand. "You sure you haven't seen my blow dryer, babe?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin sits up, shaking his head. He kicks the covers off of his feet.</p><p> </p><p>"I haven't. I have my own now, remember?"</p><p> </p><p>"Oh brother," the older mutters, searching through the last drawer.</p><p> </p><p>"I can go get mine if you need it that bad." Jeongin says as he slides off of the mattress.</p><p> </p><p>"Please? I would really appreciate it."</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin returns no later than ten minutes, punching in the code to Seungmin's room before stepping in, searching for Seungmin.</p><p> </p><p>"Minnie?" he looks over his shoulder when he hears the shower running. He instantly notices that the door is cracked open.</p><p> </p><p>"Could you put it on the counter for me?" Seungmin shouts over the running water. Jeongin pushes the door open wider and does as requested, the older thanking him when he hears the door creak.</p><p> </p><p>"Welcome."</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin descends onto Seungmin's bed with a little grunt, grabbing for the remote to search through channels. He isn't looking for anything in particular; Regardless, he sighs when he can't find anything he's interested in watching. Like Jisung once told him, there's never anything good on TV on a Sunday.</p><p> </p><p>Speaking of the devil,</p><p> </p><p>gANg GAng gAnG 🤪🤘🏼 (8)</p><p> </p><p>[11:58 AM] sungie 🤪: <em>anyways what time are we going?</em></p><p> </p><p>[11:58 AM] chan the man: <em>like 9 ?</em></p><p> </p><p>[11:58 AM] chan the man: <em>is that okay w everyone?</em></p><p> </p><p>[11:58 AM] meanie 🐱: <em>yea</em></p><p> </p><p>[11:58 AM] felix 🖤: <em>okay!</em></p><p> </p><p>[11:59 AM] jeongin: <em>sounds good</em></p><p> </p><p>When he places his phone down, the door to the bathroom swings open and Seungmin's approaching his nightstand.</p><p> </p><p>"Forgot something," he mutters as he looks through one of the drawers.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin fiddles with his fingers thoughtfully, contemplative. All it takes is an inquiry. Words. And, of course, some more thought. All he can do is open his mouth when Seungmin abruptly rises to his feet again, rushing back into the bathroom with a comb and a brush in his grasp. He sighs, turning his attention back to the TV.</p><p> </p><p>He could totally give up these thoughts if he knew how to. Obviously, though, they aren't evaporating anytime soon. It bugs him so much. Why can't he simply give it a rest?</p><p> </p><p>"Does this look okay?" Seungmin's asking Jeongin twenty minutes later, flipping the switch to the bathroom off as he enters the larger room.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin slowly averts his eyes from his phone to study his boyfriend's outfit. It's a casual look; an olive green t-shirt, denim jeans, and one of the many watches Jeongin had bought him for his birthday. His hair is slicked back, and honestly Jeongin would've never thought that a forehead could make someone look that much more attractive.</p><p> </p><p>He nods, shifting to sit up against the pillows. "You look <em>so</em> good."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin shrugs. "Exaggeration isn't necessary, Innie."</p><p> </p><p>"Babe, I'm serious!" Jeongin holds his arms up. "Come here."</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin doesn't hesitate, falling in the other's embrace, giggling as he's attacked with kisses.</p><p> </p><p>"You smell so good, too." Jeongin says, palms squishing Seungmin's cheeks. He giggles again, leaning in to plant a kiss to Jeongin's lips.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, well you don't."</p><p> </p><p>He barely dodges a pillow Jeongin swings at him, nearly laughing himself to tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Screw you!"</p><p> </p><p>"I'm messing with you," Seungmin says through laughter, this time embracing the younger. They clumsily fall onto the bed, Seungmin peppering his face with kisses before rolling onto his side.</p><p> </p><p>"Move. Lemme shower." Jeongin grumbles, only half heartedly attempting to shove Seungmin away from him.</p><p> </p><p>"Nuh uh, do it later.. after I leave."</p><p> </p><p>"Why?"</p><p> </p><p>When Seungmin doesn't answer — seemingly searching for his understanding — Jeongin realizes what he means.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, right," he chuckles awkwardly, "Minnie, eh, you know you don't have to be.. y'know.. cautious about <em>every</em> little thing, right?"</p><p> </p><p>"I know." he mutters, tone gentle as ever. He reaches to stroke the thick strands of Jeongin’s brown hair. "I want to be careful though, Innie. The last thing I want is to make you feel uncomfortable. Not saying I don't have self control, just.. Let's be careful."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Ten o' clock is nearing. If Jeongin had been feeling a little awkward before, then he is definitely feeling awkward now.</p><p> </p><p>Before the couple left the dorms, he told Seungmin that he wanted to try giving him a blow job after bowling. To his surprise, it didn't take much convincing - Seungmin asked him if he was entirely sure a couple of times. Now he kind of wants to dissolve into thin air. He's embarrassed, and so extremely nervous. It's hard to even look Seungmin in the eyes, or at all when it's his turn to bowl.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm buying food." Felix startles Jeongin from his thoughts as he leaves his seat.</p><p> </p><p>"Bring me something!" shouts Chan.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll come with you," Seungmin offers, latching an arm around Felix's. Jeongin watches, and decides to keep watching until they disappear behind a crowd. Anything to avoid watching Jisung and Minho's current make out session.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey love birds, you done?" Changbin snaps his fingers. They ignore until Hyunjin kicks Minho on the butt, cackling when the older glares at him.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>Rude</em>."</p><p> </p><p>"It's Sungie's turn anyway. You'll live." Chan points to the screen above them.</p><p> </p><p>"Actually," Jisung grins as he gets up, "I need to pee. Play for me babe?"</p><p> </p><p>Minho scoffs. "Why should I?</p><p> </p><p>"You're better than me anyway." he shrugs. "And I can't hold it. Please? For me?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin cringes. Minho gives in, and as he (as well as the others) expected, gives him another smooch before Jisung's strolling away.</p><p> </p><p>Jisung and Minho have always been so.. <em>frisky</em>, whether they were around a crowd or not. From what Jeongin can tell, they might be the most venereal couple he knows. They're purely in love, seemingly unbothered by the fact that they see each other practically every single day.</p><p> </p><p>Then he realizes, sex must be the key reason as to why their relationship seems so healthy. Jeongin wants to make sure his and Seungmin’s relationship stays healthy, too.</p><p> </p><p>He chews his bottom lip thoughtlessly, weighing the options in mind. He could totally take this opportunity to ask Jisung for a little advice. Felix might not be as innocent as he thinks and wouldn't really tease him as much as Jisung would, so he's another option. Then again, he's buying food with Seungmin at the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Aw, what the heck. The boy announces his departure to use the restroom as well, rushing away as soon as he'd earned a few nods of response.</p><p> </p><p>"Han?" he speaks quietly after entering the restroom, leaning back against the door until it shut.</p><p> </p><p>"Who's there?" his voice echoes from one of the stalls.</p><p> </p><p>"It's Jeongin." he smiles. It's a nervous one, though.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh. You following me or something?"</p><p> </p><p>He hears him laugh.</p><p> </p><p>”Funny, but no.” Jeongin walks up to the counter of the sink, staring at his reflection as he continued to talk. “Em, actually.. I kinda wanted to talk to you for a minute.. if you don’t mind.”</p><p> </p><p>”Oh no.”</p><p> </p><p>The toilet flushes before the thin male exits from behind the stall.</p><p> </p><p>”Am I in trouble?”</p><p> </p><p>”What? No, Sungie.” Jeongin fights back the urge to roll his eyes when the other laughs.</p><p> </p><p>He lathers some soap over his hands before bringing them beneath the running water of the sink.</p><p> </p><p>”What’s it about?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin wants to run away. Like, right now. Is he really about to do this?</p><p> </p><p>“Seungmin.. and me, sort of.”</p><p> </p><p>Jisung huffs as he pushes himself up until he's seated on the surface of the counter.</p><p> </p><p>”What’s up?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin swallows, hesitating. Maybe he should have asked Felix for advice instead, but then again, he figured Jisung could explain better.</p><p> </p><p>"I.." he flushes, "I really need advice."</p><p> </p><p>Jisung grins at that. "About what?"</p><p> </p><p>"You um.. I really, hm.." he scratches the back of his neck.</p><p> </p><p>"Spit it out," the older urges, "I won't tease."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay." Jeongin swallows again. Why is he feeling so nervous? It's just sex. Everyone knows what it is, so why is it so hard to talk about with someone else? "Seungmin has been being so good to me lately, and it really makes me want to.. reward him. You get what I mean?"</p><p> </p><p>"Mhm," Jisung hums, swinging his legs around.</p><p> </p><p>"S-So, earlier I told him that I want to.. you know, suck his.."</p><p> </p><p>"... <em>dick</em>." Jisung finishes for him, an amused grin breaking across his face when Jeongin attempts to hide his face. "Penis, cock-“</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, yeah! I get it!"</p><p> </p><p>Jisung smacks his own thigh with laughter.</p><p> </p><p>”Go on."</p><p> </p><p>"Anyway, I told him I could do it later. After this, I mean, but.. I don't know how to start."</p><p> </p><p>"Just suck his dick." he says that like it's as simple as one, two, three.</p><p> </p><p>"B-But I don't know <em>how</em>."</p><p> </p><p>"Ok, that's alright." he slightly shifts. "Are you comfortable with me explaining? Don't want you to get grossed out or anything."</p><p> </p><p>"It's fine." he wishes he could somehow hide the redness of his cheeks. </p><p> </p><p>"Alright so, first thing you should do is get him in the mood. Tell him to lay down or sit in a chair, or something. Then.." he ponders before snapping his fingers, "Then play with him a little. You have to get him hard first."</p><p> </p><p>”Play with him, like..?”</p><p> </p><p>”Y’know, give him a hand job first. Or just start licking if you’re starving for it-“</p><p> </p><p>”God I <em>can’t</em>!” he wails, hiding behind his hands as he turns away, back facing the chortling other. “Sungie, please! I thought you said you wouldn’t tease me.”</p><p> </p><p>”I’m not teasing you, babe.” he says through laughter. “Sorry, I’m just trying to light up the mood here.”</p><p> </p><p>”Well it isn’t working.”</p><p> </p><p>”Alright, alright. Forgive me.” he clears his throat. “Do whichever you’re in the mood for, as long as you’re.. <em>preparing</em> him first. Get me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin hums a response, nodding his head. This is much better, not facing Jisung.</p><p> </p><p>“Next step, there isn’t much to explain. All you do is put it in your mouth and suck. Think about sucking lollipops, or something.”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin cringes.</p><p> </p><p>“I dunno what you’re into, but if you aren’t a fan of swallowing cum, then you’ll just have to try and master pulling off in time.”</p><p> </p><p>He finally slides off of the counter, wiping at his black, ripped jeans. Jeongin only tilts his head a fraction, daring not to look the other in the eyes.</p><p> </p><p>”And, um, if you’re comfortable with it, you could also try watching porn, see if that might help you out a little too.”</p><p> </p><p>So Jeongin took his advice, decided to watch a few clips that he ran across on a specific porn site. Seungmin seemed quite relieved that night after bowling, when Jeongin told him that he didn’t feel ready yet.</p><p> </p><p>”I figured. You looked uncertain.” Seungmin had told him.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin spent a few days alone in his own room, studying the videos before and after classes, and before he went to bed (with headphones, so he wouldn’t disturb his roommate). He wants to be one hundred percent, wants to make Seungmin feel so incredibly good when he tries.</p><p> </p><p>A solid week since the group’s bowling night, and Jeongin thinks he has it together. He came to Seungmin’s dorm that Sunday afternoon, after his two hour class ended, and told him he felt ready.</p><p> </p><p>Only, the second Jeongin sat Seungmin down, his confidence started drifting away. It felt like so much attention was on him, although it was only his boyfriend watching him and his every move.</p><p> </p><p>He’d only managed to remove his belt when the surge of tears returned, shaming him for being such a fucking weakling. A loser. He can’t do this, can’t make himself do this either. Not even for the one he loves so dearly.</p><p> </p><p>”You okay?” Seungmin’s voice is gentle, soothing like honey as he reaches down to pet the younger’s hair. He’s unresponsive, but the little jolts of his body is enough to answer his query.</p><p> </p><p>”I-I’m so sorry,”</p><p> </p><p>”Innie, baby,” Seungmin gently takes both of his boyfriend’s hands in his, squeezing gently. “It’s alright. Seriously, you don’t have to do this.”</p><p> </p><p>”I k-know, but.. I just really want to, a-and-“</p><p> </p><p>”But <em>why</em>? Why do you want to do this so badly?”</p><p> </p><p>And so, in his most vulnerable state, Jeongin explains. Tells the older how much he’s been wanting to reward him, wants them to be as happy and healthy as their friends seem to be in their own relationships.</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin sighs, allowing the boy to cry in his lap for a moment before pulling him up and guiding him to the bed.</p><p> </p><p>”Sit here.” he orders, sitting beside him once he’s settled. Jeongin’s shaking like a leaf, and Seungmin frowns with concern. He shouldn’t feel <em>this</em> upset about it, should he?</p><p> </p><p>”I know y-you told me it doesn’t matter, b- <em>ut</em>,” he hiccups, “I c-can’t help feeling like a t-terrible boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin purses his lips. He’d like to reassure him, like he usually does. This time, he decides, he wants to listen to the younger.</p><p> </p><p>”Innie, did somebody say something to you?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin calms down, just a bit, barely looking up at his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>”Hm?”</p><p> </p><p>”Did someone.. tell you something? That you need to do this?”</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>”So what’s making you so frustrated about it?”</p><p> </p><p>And this was the key inquiry here, the question that Jeongin has been asking himself ever since he told Seungmin about his traumatic past. He’s confused, scared, and feels so alone, despite his boyfriend’s comfort.</p><p> </p><p>A few more quiet seconds go by before Seungmin’s sighing through his nostrils, arms open.</p><p> </p><p>”C’mere,”</p><p> </p><p>And Jeongin obeys, falls into his embrace immediately to hide his flushed face. Seungmin snuggles him close, combing fingers through his messy head of hair.</p><p> </p><p>”We don’t need to be like them, you know that right?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin doesn’t answer, just tightens his grasp on Seungmin’s black hoodie.</p><p> </p><p>He continues, “I’m perfectly happy with the way things are right now. You remember when we went on a road trip a couple of months ago? Or when we watched a bunch of stupid movies?”</p><p><br/>He replies with a muffled and quavering “Yeah”.</p><p> </p><p>”That was so much fun, Innie. It’s all I need. Can you look at me?”</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin shakes his head rapidly, but Seungmin insists.</p><p> </p><p>”Please? For me?”</p><p> </p><p>So he gives in, struggling to maintain eye contact. Seungmin smiles as he wipes away his tears with his thumbs.</p><p> </p><p>”Our relationship <em>is</em> healthy. Your mental health matters to me so much, more than anything babe. The rewarding thing, I get it, but it’s not important. You reward me quite enough by just being here, with me. Smiling, especially.”</p><p> </p><p>His words are so sincere, striking through him like lightning and easing away the pain he was once suffering, slowly but surely. Everything the older male says and does is full of love, love for <em>him</em>, and suddenly Jeongin feels a little guilty. Was he being ungrateful?</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin pulls him into a sweet but sloppy kiss. He could care less about the snot smearing onto his own mouth, or the wetness of Jeongin’s tear-stained face.</p><p> </p><p>”We have all of the time in the world, Innie. There’s no need to rush anything, okay? Let’s take it slow, as slow as you need it to be. I want <em>you</em> to be ready, alright?”</p><p> </p><p><em>God, please marry me</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Jeongin bites his lip, simply nodding. He’s so glad he hadn’t said that aloud. As if he hasn’t embarrassed himself enough...</p><p> </p><p>”I love you.” he managed before bursting into another fit of sobs. He presses his face into the fabric covering Seungmin’s shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, he’s crying again. <em>Always</em> crying. Only this time, it’s from joy. From an overwhelming happiness. Jeongin feels so lucky — he <em>is</em> lucky.</p><p> </p><p>Seungmin giggles, tightening his embrace a notch.<br/><br/><br/></p><p>”I love you too.”</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>yaaaayyy!! another episode of study group :3</p><p>I haven’t published a sg episode in like, forever. I’m so sorry 😭 I hope this fic makes up for it</p></blockquote></div></div>
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